I'm in Abilene for a wedding and I was just having a conversation with several people about the legitmacy of gender-specific roles within marriage. Though the conversation ranged over a variety of topics I want to briefly discuss the biblical mandates given in Eph. 5.
The trouble that arises from this is often that people feel women will be repressed and undervalued. There is an additional concern that women are just as able to lead as men, so to mandate the husband as the leader is short-sighted. Perhaps the husband should lead in some areas and the wife in others. Or perhaps the wife should lead in all areas because she is simply a better leader. People are each so unique that it would be better for each relationship to figure out how to operate and where to put various responsibilities. Therefore the Bible does not give helpful guidelines in this area. The Bible does not effectively assign gender specific roles within marriage.
I disagree. The issue here is whether or not there are gender specific roles assigned by God. The first question I pose is this: if there are no gender specific roles, then why did God create and human sexuality? It clearly states in Ephesians 5:22-33 that the husband represents Christ and the wife represents the Church. Marriage is a physical manifestation of a mystical reality. Mariage represents the relationship between Christ and the church (there may be multiple reasons for sexuality, but this representational aspect is one of them no matter how you slice it).
Here is the meat: The husband is the head just like Christ is the head. Christ has responsibility and hence authority over the Church. The husband is also reponsible for the wife. The husband has responsibility for the health of the marriage. God holds the husband responsible for the failures of the marriage. Does this mean that the husband has call to be a tyrant? Does this mean the husband makes all of the decisions? Does this mean that the husband is actually more capable as a leader than his wife? NO! It means that the husband answers to God for the excellence or inferiority of the marriage.
The representational aspect of marriage means that each marriage is broadcasting to the world a little message about the mystical reality of Christ and the Church. Whether the husband is loving, therefore giving a picture of Christ as loving, or selfish, therefore giving a picture of Christ as selfish, he is representing Christ. This is a tremendous responsibility that ought to help us take our marriages more seriously and with more care to maintain their beauty.
The wife is called simply to "respect her husband." That is to enable and empower him to be a good leader. Not subverting his God-established authority by belittling him, neither to act unconcerned as the husband shirks his own role of responisbility, but to respect him. Since husbands are not actually Christ, but are instead imperfect representatives, this is difficult. Submission to Christ is difficult enough, even though he loves perfectly. Submission to a husband that is unworthy of respect is undoubtedly more difficult. This is not a call to make wives insignificant. It is instead a description of a heirarchy of responsibility.
Look at the fall. When God finds Adam and Eve after they ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, who does God talk to first? Adam. God asks Adam first because Adam is responsible for what happened. Eve is still responsible. Notice that God speaks to her, however, only after Adam has shirked his own responsibility. This is a subversion of the way things were meant to be. Perhaps God would not have cursed Eve if Adam had simply taken responsibility for both himself and Eve. But that is not what Adam did, he instead tried to make Eve responsible for him.
We need to understand that God did establish gender roles. These are not roles which indicate value, they are roles which indicate function. As John Ferguson has said on many occasions, "Marriage is like a dance where the husband leads and the wife follows that lead." A couple of weddings ago, I danced with a girl who would not look at me while we were dancing. Instead she looked over her shoulder the entire time. At first I thought she was just curious about other things going on in the room. But after a short time it became clear that she was looking over her shoulder because she was trying to figure out where to go. I couldn't make decisions about which direction we would turn and how fast we would move because she was trying so hard to make those decisions herself. Well it didn't work. The physical reasons are quite clear. When you dance you can only have one leader. The other person has to follow that lead or stop dancing.
The last wedding I was at, I danced with my friend Sarah. She is undoubtedly the best dancer I've had the pleasure of dancing with. Within ten seconds it was clear that she was actually paying close attention to what I was trying to do. As a result, we could move with precision and grace that was impossible with any of the other girls I danced with. Now,... let it be known that even though Sarah is a great dancer, I'm not. So I ended up running us into other people a few times. Oh well... It was loads of fun.
The point is this. Marriage was established by God. He endowed the role of responsibility to the husband. No matter who makes decisions, no matter who has what skills or how those skills are exercised within the marriage, God will hold the husband primarily responsible. | 
